.

RUNNING WITH FIFTY POUND BACKPACKS

The drill sergeants had us load all our travel packs to the fullest extent. All this would come to weigh about fifty pounds! We would be wearing them on these new, long-distance running excursions. Oh, joy! What fun! We ran just about all over the base! These were sights the other guys hadn't seen before - other areas they hadn't been to yet. But I had! I had been all over the base already that night weeks before when I had tried to escape, and changed my mind. It was so difficult not to turn to my friends and say, "I remember this! I remember that!" But, as we were near the front next to the drill sergeants, I could not! They could never know of my little adventure, though, in a perfect world, they probably would have been proud of me for it! Well...we ran and we ran and we ran. Many of us were so exhausted, we were dropping like flies along the way. I almost couldn't keep up either, and it was all I could do from just letting myself collapse to the ground. Not only were my bones ready to fall apart, and my limbs aching, but my mouth was dry, my chest hurt, and my feet were giving birth to blisters left and right! The drill sergeants, who, of course, carried nothing on them, would stop to scream insults and orders at us to get our asses up and keep moving. When we got back, as punishment for faltering along the way, the drill sergeants overturned all our bunks, yanked everything out of our little closets, and destroyed the barracks - only to make us clean it all up within thirty minutes.

THE GAS CHAMBER

Soon came one of the tests I had heard much about - the gas chamber. We were to stand in line in there, keep our eyes open no matter how much they might sting, and recite a series of lines before we were allowed to leave. Lucky me, I wound up in the first group! It was very difficult to breathe. It not only stung my eyes, but my nose, my mouth, my throat, and my lungs. However, I kept my eyes open, and managed to recite the lines perfectly the first time, and was allowed to leave with no after affects. Others were not so lucky. We were not allowed to leave if we closed our eyes, or screwed up the lines. That was easy to do, because the gas can make you dizzy if you're in there long enough, and you can't think straight, much less speak correctly. Some guys ran out of there despite not being allowed to - foaming at the mouth and / or throwing up. The drill sergeants showed no mercy whatsoever. Those guys were sent right back in there until they got it right!

THE HIGH TOWER

This was the part I had been anxiously waiting for! Having been heavily into gymnastics since childhood, playing on gym sets at home, climbing and swinging from rooftops and trees and ropes over rivers, I knew I'd be good at this! And I was! We had to swing around poles and across monkey bars, run through sets of tires, climb and scale rope nets, walls and finally the tower itself! Once up there, we got to swing back down! It was the most fun I'd have during my experience in the Army!

THE SECOND PT TEST

Around this time, we were given the second PT test. I was now up to near 80 push-ups and 200 sit-ups per two minutes.! It was Drill Sergeant Brown who counted my sit-ups. Jokingly, he turned to the guys around him, and said, "He can't shoot worth shit yet (I'll get onto that in a moment), but the son of a bitch can sure do sit-ups!" I had gone from running the mile within nineteen minutes down to fourteen minutes. Since my secret little adventure, I had been pushing myself in every aspect of the training. It was starting to get noticed.

THE DRILL SERGEANTS CHILL OUT

After the first few weeks, the drill sergeants stopped screaming at us all the time. That is, of course, as long as we didn't give them reason to! Now, sometimes at night, they would bring a chair into our barracks and just shoot the breeze with us. They were still tough on us, mind you, and when someone screwed up, we still all got nailed for it! But now no one screwed up that much anymore. I now understood the methods of the drill sergeants. They went out of their way to scare the hell out of us when we first got there to let us know who was boss. They tortured us endlessly over every little thing during the first few weeks in order to get us to whip EACH OTHER into shape. This was meant to get us to use teamwork - in a backwards sort of way. Now that we were improving and progressing, they could chill out a bit and get to know us more - and vice -versa. Time for a little POSITIVE encouragement. Very clever, actually. Extremely harsh...but clever.

HIT [HIM] WITH YOUR BEST SHOT

Eventually, we got to train with weapons. We were put into ditches of snow and ice with our rifles. Off in the distance from every ditch, there were rows of a little plastic enemy called "Ivan". There were Ivans at different distances. They would pop up, and we'd have to shoot at them and, hopefully, hit them. Now, I had forgotten to mention that we those of us who wore contact lenses were not allowed to wear them while in the Army. Instead, we were tested and issued those infamous "birth control glasses". Drill Sergeant Brown was in charge of my half of the group. Drill Sergeant Pugley was in charge of the other. My turn came. I got each Ivan within my shot. But every time I went to shoot, my birth control glasses slipped down, at the last second, and I'd miss shot after shot that way. This tried both mine and Drill Sergeant Brown's patience. After many days of this, he finally suggested, "Try it with those glasses off." I took them off and tried again. All of a sudden, [pop], [pop], [pop]! I hit each and every one dead in the center!

Drill Sergeant Brown looked at me. "Well, Ill be a son of a bitch! Private, I don't ever want to see those glasses on your face again!" Later at night, he came into the barracks to pay us a visit. He looked at me and saw I was wearing my glasses. "Get those ugly-ass glasses off, Private!" He gave me a sly grin as I took them off. I wound up being the only guy allowed to wear my contact lenses! Soon, we were learning machine guns, grenades, and more! I wound up being pretty good with weapons.

THE ARTIST IS DISCOVERED

Somewhere within the first few weeks, something most unusual happened. We had a couple of hours of recreation time at the very end of the night. Well, it wasn't all our own time, as we had to use much of this time to polish our boots. But it was the closest we'd get. I would talk to the guys who bunked around me while we worked on our boots, but after that I began to get bored. So, one night, I got out a pen and paper and started doodling. For some reason, I found myself drawing a caricature of our platoon guide. This was probably because he was attracting attention to himself that evening. Frerricks, the guy who slept above me on our bunk, looked over my shoulder at the drawing. "I didn't know you could draw," he said. "That looks just like him!" Some of the guys nearby overheard this. They came over to look at it, too. I got a lot of similar comments. The next thing I knew, I had the entire platoon crowding around me - including the platoon guide himself! "I'll be damned! " He said. "It really DOES look like me!"

At this point, Drill Sergeant Brown walked into the room. "Hey, hey, now what's all this shit about? What do you got there, Private? Give it to me!" "Oh, shit," I thought to myself. I was sure I'd get in trouble. There were no written rules against drawing, but I was sure that it was one of those unwritten rules. I passed the paper over to him - ready for anything. What I WASN'T ready for was for him to start laughing. He turned to the platoon guide. "Well, shit! I'll be damned if that isn't you! This son of a bitch can draw!" He turned to me. "Do some more, Private! I'll come back in awhile." I was stunned! Before I knew it, I had everyone requesting to be drawn next! I did a few more caricatures, and Drill Sergeant Brown did come back - with Drill Sergeant Pugley! He took the drawings from me and showed them to Pugley. "Look at this shit! Looks just like em!" Drill Sergeant Pugley was similarly impressed. Then Drill Sergeant Brown turned back to me. "Private, I got a job for you. Come into the office." I had an idea of what was about to happen. Sure enough, I was actually ordered to draw caricatures of both Drill Sergeants. They wanted to put them up in their office. This would make me or break me, I realized. If they liked them, then great...I would score some brownie points. If not, then I would probably be a target on their shit list throughout the rest of my training!

Well, it turned out they loved them, thank God! They had them framed and hung on the walls of the office. But I was never left alone after that! The First Sergeant - THEIR boss - saw their caricatures and then requested one himself! The other guys in the barracks hounded me constantly! It was either a caricature or a real sketch that they wanted. And if it wasn't of them, it was of their girlfriends! They would give me pictures of their girlfriends to draw off of. Then a very strange trend began. Many of them wanted me to draw famous cartoon characters having sex! They would send these to their girlfriends, as well! I asked them once, "Do you guys think these drawings are going to impress them or turn them on or something? Theyl'l probably look at these and wonder what the HELL the Army has done to you!" Nevertheless, they wanted these sexual cartoons drawn! I found myself very popular now with both the guys and the sergeants. This was largely due to my ability to draw, but also because I kept really pushing myself in all our areas. Never before had I known this kind of popularity (not that I had been seeking it), and I had found it in the most unlikely of places! This continued throughout the rest of Basic Training.

HAND TO HAND COMBAT

It was around this time that we began to be trained in hand-to-hand combat. This involved learning how, when, and where to punch, and block punches. We learned how, when, and where to grab and flip someone over our shoulders and backs. We even learned some martial arts moves and blocks.

BAYONET TRAINING

This was also when we learned how to use our rifles as a sort of sword. We were given blades that could be attached to the nose of the rifle. We were then taught a variety of movements.

There were different ways to use our arms, legs, and whole body. We learned every possible way to use the bayonet in a short amount of time.

STICK IT TO HIM!

Soon we were to be pitted against each other in a boxing-type ring. This was a game with a purpose, of course! Two guys would be given rods of hard plastic capped off at the ends by foam (nerf ball-type foam, that is). We would be competing against one of the other platoons of our company. Whoever fully knocked the other guy down would win the match. It was great fun to watch. But I found myself anxious to get up there! It seemed to take forever for my turn! Finally, I was called up there. Lucky me, my opponent was a good foot taller than me! The whistle blew, and the match began! Before long, we each took a few hits, but did not knock each other down. I could hear the guys from my platoon cheering me on. I suddenly remembered that one of the advantages of being short was the ability to be quicker! I began to put this to use, and before long, I had knocked my opponent down! I had won our platoon another several points!

[FOREST] SCORE AND SEVEN [ACRES]...

Then came another training-related game. Again, we were pitted against another platoon. We were to see how far we could make it through a plotted-out forest trail without getting shot. It was kind of like laser tag in the woods. These were special sensory guns. Each platoon took turns being the bad guys and hid all over the forest - even up in trees. Points were counted for both the shooters and the shootees. Whoever got the most shots won the game. We were sent through the forest in small groups at a time. Unfortunately, my little group and I got shot by snipers in trees (at the very end, too - we had almost made it, damn it), but our platoon, as a whole, did win!

ALL FIRED [AT]!

The day finally came when we would have to deal with live bullets being fired at us! We were taken to a field covered with barbed wire. We were to crawl under this barbed wire while live rounds were fired overhead. The drill sergeants sent us through a few at a time. This made me a little nervous! There two risks here! We could either wind up sliced up or actually be shot, or both! However, when my turn came, I inched my way through unharmed. Once I got across, I was MORE than relieved that it was over with!

MY KP DUTY DAY

KP meant Kitchen Patrol duty. Basically, we had to clean up the mess hall after each meal on our appointed day. No one got out of it. Sometimes it was given as a punishment, but basically they just went down the alphabet. Everyone would get it twice before Basic was over. This was my first one. My partner was the guy the drill sergeants gave the hardest time to. I remember his first name was Tom. They made him clean up their office every night. They made him run up and down the stairs repeatedly while wearing a fifty-pound backpack. They made him do push-ups constantly. He didn't really cause THAT much trouble, though. I had my own theory of why they were that way towards him.

We took a little break and talked later that night. Everyone had already had dinner and left, and we were nearly finished with the chores. The lights were dimmed and the mess hall was empty. Tom started asking me why I had become so liked - and he was so hated. None of the guys hated him, I pointed out. He said he was mainly talking about the drill sergeants. I told him that in school, teachers were usually hardest on students they saw the most potential in. It's a case of this: they see it in you, but you don't see it in yourself, so they feel they have to push it out of you. He asked if I really thought that was the case with him, and I assured him I did. Tom said he really appreciated our talk. We finished the rest of the chores, and I would not have to worry about KP duty for quite some time. Not that it was that bad, really.

THE OFFICERS CHRISTMAS BALL

Christmas was now fast approaching. Always wanting to be involved in extracurricular things, back when Basic Training had first begun, I had joined the church choir. We had been singing at every Sunday mass. Now it was decided that we would perform at the Officers 'Christmas Ball. We would sing a variety of Christmas Carols, and then put on a little religious stage show. This would take place about a week and a half before Christmas, as we were soon to be sent off for Christmas break.

My drill sergeants, along with the First Sergeant and all their superiors were dressed to the nines in their special occasions uniforms. We were given formal robes to wear for the performance. We did a great job, and got a huge round of applause. The following day, Drill Sergeant Brown went on and on about my performance to the point of (obviously intentionally) embarrassing me! (It was in a good way, though). I was later called to the office. One of the highest ranking superiors was there waiting for me. He greeted me warmly and shook my hand. He then presented me with a special gold coin, and an accompanying certificate for performing at the banquet. This was the first of three awards I was to receive by the end of Basic Training.

THE THIRD PT TEST

They wanted to see how much we had progressed just before going home for the holidays. I knew we were getting better at our running. They had recently been having us get into our sweats when they woke us up. We would run in time to their cadences for about an hour through forest trails. It was kind of beautiful really - the early morning darkness, the actual SMELL of morning, the forests all around us. The drill sergeants had more respect for us now, and we had more respect for them, so it was kind of fun running with them. At this point, I was now up to near a hundred push-ups and over 200 sit-ups per two minutes. I could now run a mile under 12 minutes. I was definitely getting in better shape!

THE ARMY PART: II

CHRISTMAS BREAK

It got to be Christmas time, and, to my utter surprise, the Army actually let us go home for a couple of weeks to be with our families and friends for the holidays! In the middle of Basic Training, no less! My family met me at O'Hare airport. My dad couldn't get over my shaved head! This reminded me that I even HAD a shaved head! I had gotten so used to it, and so used to everyone around me looking the same that I had forgotten. Suddenly, I became sort of embarrassed by it, and wore baseball caps throughout the rest of my vacation! The Sinead O'Connor look definitely wasnt me, but I knew I had to endure it for a couple more months. I somehow managed to visit everyone in that brief little time period.

For the first week, I stayed with Dad and Sandy. For the rest of my vacation, I stayed with a friend along Lake Shore Drive near downtown Chicago. One night, I went out on my own.

A tall, skinny guy with short brown hair came up to me. He knew another military guy when he saw one. His name was Jim, and he had been with the Air Force not too long ago. He used to live in Chicago, but now lived in Phoenix, Arizona. He was just here visiting his family for the holidays as well. We hit it off very well, spent much of the rest of my break hanging out, and would stay in contact over the following months.

WELCOME BACK - ARMY STYLE

Christmas break was over all too soon. Now it was back to shaved heads, endless exercise, camouflage outfits, guns, and much pain and torture! Let me tell you about our "Welcome Back"! Without so much as a "Hello", or ANY friendly word, our drill sergeants stormed into the barracks, and screamed at us to get on our FULL gas protective gear right then and there! This meant rubber body suits, rubber coats, gloves, boots, and, of course, the infamous gas masks! While we got all this on as quickly as we could, the drill sergeants, yelling at us to hurry up all the while, closed all the windows and the door. For the next five hours solid, we were put through the most strenuous, fast-paced workout we had been put through yet. When I say five hours solid, I am NOT exaggerating in the LEAST! And we had to do it with no ventilation in the room whatsoever. And, as usual, the drill sergeants screamed and bellowed at us angrily the entire time. Oh, we DID get one fifteen-minute break, yes. This was our break: we had to clean the barracks as much as possible for those fifteen minutes - WITHOUT removing ANY of the gas protective gear!

MORE OF THE SAME

Well, that was obviously just to let us know that we needed to get back in the swing of things - that, "Okay, you got a break, but don't think you can slack off now that you're back." After that first day, things went back to the way they had been before the vacation. We began to prepare for the final tests. This time there would be much more than a PT test. There would be tests on our use of all the weapons, and all kinds of written tests on all the information wed' acquired. This would not be a walk in the park! The closer we got to the dreaded day, the more nervous everyone got.

JUDGEMENT DAY ARRIVES

After many hours of cramming with the other guys for the written tests, the day finally arrived. The letters from Jim did help keep my spirits up. First we had the PT tests. I got up to about 110 push-ups, and about 230 sit-ups. I ran the mile in under 10 minutes this time. I passed that with flying colors! Next it was onto the weapons. With the guns, this depended on how many shots you got at how many different distances, and so on. When it came to be my turn, everyone was routing for me with each shot I made. It turned out I had made the highest classification - sharp-shooter! Who would have thought it when we first started practicing?!

Next we had the other weapons and I did well. I had always thought the grenades were interesting. The explosions were both frightening and fascinating at the same time. After that, we had to show we knew how all these different technical things operated. Passed that just fine. Finally, we were given the very long written test. Once we were done, we all waited with baited breath. After an hour of anticipation, I found out I had passed and so had all my friends!

GRADUATION DAY

Before the ceremony, Drill Sergeants Pugley and Brown had us line up in the barracks one last time. They talked about how we had come in as pathetic excuses for soldiers, but now here we were greatly enhanced and real men. They proceeded to pass out the awards. They turned to me with a few sheets of paper, and announced that I was being presented with not one, but three awards. One was for scoring high enough to make it into the top five of the platoon, the next was for making it into the top of the company (a platoon is a sub-division of a company), and the third was being the most improved. This was the one I was most honored by. The certificate mentioned how hard I had pushed myself, and stated that my can-do attitude and hard work had made [me] a great inspiration for others to emulate I had never felt so honored! A couple of my friends got various awards, too.

Now it was time for graduation. It was a long, drawn-out ceremony, but at times just like school graduations. We were given our diplomas. Next came a much-needed, much-deserved PARTY!! We all had a great time! It was sad to say good-bye to everyone as we all went off to our separate destinations - our MOS (job) training. My next destination was Fort Lee, Virginia. On the plane, I could finally relax for awhile. I felt a great sense of accomplishment. When I had first mentioned that I had decided to join the Army, no one had thought I could make it. But I did! And then some!

FORT LEE, VIRGINIA

When I arrived in Fort Lee, Virginia, I was told that some of the Revolutionary War had taken place there. As I looked around, it was easy to picture it. There were a few differences here. First, instead of fifty guys to a barracks, there were four guys to a room with two bunk beds in it. (I got the top bunk on the right.) The room had a bathroom that connected with the room next door. This was quite an improvement. It was very dorm-room-like this time. Our drill sergeant was a black woman who liked like a miniature Nell Carter. We didn't have to do the shooting, etc. We did have to early morning PT (physical training - exercise), and the marching drills, though. Then we had classes on fuel-related topics. We had written tests, and tests in which we had to be able to set up a fuel station in the woods. Surprisingly, though I had never been mechanically inclined, I did very well on all these tests.

STRIKEN WITH BRONCHITIS

I had one problem, though. Back when I was a young child, I had a bad case of bronchitis. I coughed like a barking dog day and night many, many times. It aggravated my parents, and I got yelled at just for coughing too much. I had even gotten many beatings for it - as if I could help it! When I got to be around eight-years-old, it had finally mysteriously disappeared, and had never turned up again - until now. I know it was the combination of the cold and the exposure to the fumes of all the aviation fuel that brought it out.

"CAUSE I'M A DENTIST...AND I GET OFF ON THE PAIN I INFLICT!"

Also, during this time, I was getting a terrible toothache. I had to go to the on-base dentist. It turned out my bottom-left wisdom tooth was growing in impacted. I would have to get it pulled. Being an Army dentist, this guy truly was a sadist! First, he would not allow me to be put under as I had a couple of years ago when I had to get my first wisdom tooth pulled. Second, he did not give me enough novacaine and refused to correct that when I pointed it out to him. Third, once he smashed my tooth, he couldn't get part of it to come out. So, he used a little saw on it. This sent me through the roof with pain, but he didn't care. This part of my broken tooth was being stubborn. So he kept sawing and sawing and sawing. When this got to be truly unbearable and I began to shout out in pain, he all but called me a wuss! What a sadistic asshole (pardon my language here!)! When he was FINALLY done, he practically threw a bottle of painkillers at me and told me to get out.

STOMACH PUMPING FUN

I was in pain for at least a week. Towards the end of that, I made a VERY grievous error! Not paying attention one day, I took the painkillers too soon after taking the pills I was given for my bronchitis! I soon began to feel very sick. Suddenly, I realized what I had done. One of my roommates got on the phone with the on-base hospital immediately. I got rushed to the hospital. They nearly tore off my shirts and threw on a hospital gown. They put me on a bed and came towards me with a very thick red hose. "Umw-what are you going to do with that?" "Were going to stick up and then down your nose and pump your stomach." "Y-youre going to p-put what WHERE? !" Never in my life had I EVER had a problem with anything a doctor had done to me. My mother had often told me that even as a newborn baby, I hadn't cried when I got my very first shot. But THIS! That hose didn't look like it could have fit through a hole the size of a fifty-cent piece, much less into my nose! I think the entire hospital could hear me howling when they shoved it in! Then I got to see the lovely visual of my insides rushing out of me! My roommates and friends decided to visit me in the middle of this. There I was - tears of pain flowing from my eyes, snot running out from my nose under the hose, saliva drooling uncontrollably out of my mouth, and the contents of my stomach rushing through tubes and into plastic bags! When they were finally done draining me, they still made me keep the hose in my nose for another hour or so. When I had to use the restroom, I had to walk around holding the base of the hose - looking like a man with a mini elephants trunk. When my body shifted with each step, the other end of the hose hit one of the sides of my stomach - almost setting me to puking again. At long last, the ordeal was over. I vowed that I would NEVER let that happen again!

FAREWELL, HISTORIC VIRGINA!

The rest of MOS training at Fort Lee was pretty uneventful. I continued to do very well on all my tests - written and otherwise. My cold-and-fuel-induced bronchitis had not gone away, though. In fact, it continued to get worse. I began to annoy my roommates to no end - my coughing keeping them up all night. The medicine seemed to be doing very little. My superiors began to get very concerned.

I was still in contact with Jim. He suggested I put in for a post in or near Phoenix. If I got it, I could room with him because he needed a roommate. This was very exciting news to me! Phoenix was near California! Of course I accepted! I would not get a post to that area, though. In fact, something else entirely happened. My superiors had a meeting with me. My heavy bronchitis was of major problem, it was decided. Though I had made it through all the training, had gotten four awards while in Basic, passed all my test with flying colors, and beyond, I was being given a medical separation. On the one hand, I was upset that I wouldn't get to experience the post-training. On the other hand, this meant that, not being bound to them, I now COULD move Phoenix! The Army arranged for me to be able to fly to Chicago for a few days, and then to Phoenix.

Soon I was in a cab on the way to the Virginia airport. I had a very nice cab driver. He, like me, was very much a historian. In fact, he turned off his meter to give me one last tour of the area, and went from being cab driver to tour guide. There was much history here. I could see traces of it. I could even feel it! It was a very pleasant farewell trip.

While I waited to board my plane, I reflected on my whole experience in the Army. True, it had been rough. Yet I had not only survived, I had succeeded. I had really pushed myself further than even I thought I could. Not only that, I had wound up being very well liked and respected. I had earned four awards to boot. So, bronchitis had unexpectedly interfered. So, I didn't get to see what the Army was like after the training. So what? The experience had taught me much about what I could endure, about my potential, and about myself in general. It had served its purpose to completion. Now on to new adventures!

MOVING TO PHOENIX

My stop in Chicago was very brief. It was just long enough to visit family and friends one last time and to gather some of my things and tie up lose ends. It was emotional, but needed to be done. This was what I had wanted - to wind up somewhere else (Well, it was Southern California I REALLY wanted to wind up in, but, for the time being, this WAS pretty close to it. It wouldn't take much to just go there from Phoenix when the time was right.) Once again, I found myself on a plane. Not that I was complaining in the least! I enjoy traveling by air. I often fly WITHOUT the aid of an airplane in my dreams, after all! During this flight, I realized that I had been on an airplane more times in the past few months than any other times in my life put together! I had flown from Chicago to Kentucky to get to Fort Knox. In the middle of Basic Training, I had traveled by plane from Kentucky to Chicago. Then from Chicago back to Kentucky when the break was over. Then, when Basic Training had finished, I had flown from Kentucky to Virginia to begin phase two of MOS training at Fort Lee. Then I had flown from Virginia back to Chicago when THAT had ended, and now I was flying from Chicago to Phoenix! But I didn't mind at all. I enjoyed all the traveling.!

LIVING IN PHOENIX

Even though it was nearly late at night, I was very excited to arrive there! I had been really looking forward to this! A new place, yet another new adventure! And there were PALM TREES! Jim met me at the airport. We talked about everything on the way to his place, and he went on and on about how good it would be for me to live there. And I was more than happy to be there, too. The next day, he took me around to meet all of his friends. It was very easy to lose track of how many people we had visited that day! Over the course of the next two weeks, he brought me everywhere and showed me everything. Being as thrilled as I had always been to experience new places and things, I soaked it all up!

Suddenly, though, practically overnight, Jim began to change. He was now starting to become very mean, controlling, condescending, and just all-out negative. Meanwhile, I quickly found work through temp agencies. In my spare time, I joined a softball league. Jim's friends would attend, and I continued to get along with them just fine. They even started to warn me that this was usually Jim's nature when anyone else lived in his place. By this point, I had landed a very fun job at the airport! I got to drive those little golf cart-like cars all around the airplanes and the runways!

MATTHEW

Eventually, Jim became unbearable, and I moved in with some of my new friends. And I had only been there about a month! Within that very week, I got to know a grocery store cashier named Matthew. He was very tall, and thin. He was clean-cut, had medium brown hair, and often wore glasses that gave him a very studious look. He had an incredibly witty sense of humor.. He was also quite literally, a genius! He and I had much in common, and we found this out VERY quickly! We were both writers, we both loved fantasy and science fiction (I do have loves of MANY types of literature and film, though), we both had much experience as stage performers, and the list seemed to be endless! We thought of doing some stories together. Becoming distracted by many things around us later, we never got to finish them. We realized that we made a very good team in many things. In fact, we clicked together so well, that he asked me to move in immediately, and I accepted. We would wind up continuing to room with each other on and off throughout the next couple of years.

VIVA, LAS VEGAS!

It got to be around my third or fourth month there, and Matthew and I were extremely bored with Phoenix, AZ. Matthew had lived there a long time and was bored with it. I had lived there a very short time and was bored with it. Not that it wasn't a great place to visit, mind you! But it was not for us to live there. Matthew may feel differently about it now. I don't know. We are both very busy and do not get to talk to each other much, but at least we do still keep in touch. NOW...back to that time period!

Matthew and I made a great team - in creativity and in strong friendship. So, at the time, we wanted to stick together. I, as I had all my life, wanted to move to California. Matthew did not feel up to that. We both agreed on a few things, though: we both needed to be in or at least very NEAR a big city. Second, we wanted to stay within range of the west coast, and did not want to move TOO far from where we were. Matthew came up with the idea of Las Vegas. It was a big city. Technically it was only a short trip to California. I - in all HONESTY - never had then nor ever developed any interest in gambling - luckily! However, the fact that it was near California sold me on the idea. I figured, perhaps in time, I could convince Matthew to eventually gravitate there with me, and we could crank out some film scripts, or who knows what else. So, we packed our things, sold what we couldn't take, and bused it out to Las Vegas. We had, in advance, found a hotel that rented by the week that we could stay in until we landed an apartment.

THE FREEMONT CASINOS

We arrived at night, got our room, unpacked, and headed out to explore our surroundings. We were in the original downtown area, near Freemont. This was shortly BEFORE the area was elaborately redone. It was glitzy and tacky, but new and interesting nonetheless. As if I wasn't already turned off to the idea of gambling, a woman who worked for one of the Freemont casinos drove it all the way home for me. We wandered in just to look around. She came up to us and would not stop pushing us to gamble. We wouldn't give in, We were just browsing. She got very, very rude with us. Rather than argue, we continued to simply state that we did not want to gamble, but she wouldn't let up - following us all the way to the door as we exited, all but calling us cowards and what not.

THE STRIP

The next day, we explored The Strip, and I found much more to my liking. I still would never be interested in gambling, but I fell in love with the giant movie set looks of these casinos. I loved the free entertainment. Treasure Islasnd's Pirate Show was and is still my favorite Las Vegas spectacle! (Are you surprised?! Think back now, early in "My Memoirs"...Peter Pan...Captain Hook? Need I say more?!) I never grew tired of watching The Mirage's exploding volcano. I loved and miss Excalibur's Dragon / Merlin showdown. Those are just the top few. The very inexpensive meal deals certainly didn't hurt, either! Okay, this wasn't Southern California, but I could have a lot of fun living there in the meantime! Right off the bat, I felt that I could flourish and even finally get my chance to start shining in this place! And I did! It later turned out to be quite a training ground for me! I did indeed get a small taste of my dreams coming true here! But that comes a little later!

CAESAR'S PALACE

Within a couple of days of our arrival, Matthew and I both landed jobs. I wound up working in Caesar's Palace in one of the Forum shops - one that specialized in selling holograms. It is no longer there, I've since discovered. Though my co-workers were more than sick of it, I continuously marveled at the show that played right outside our shop. The statues of the Roman gods and goddesses came to life every hour on the hour - talking, laughing, and finally leading us into an elaborate laser / light show. The fact that my co-workers had grown tired of this did make sense, but I couldn't help but think back on how it had been for me in that little suburban town of Illinois. I certainly would never have had the chance to see anything like this there. What I wouldn't have done to have the chance to live in a place like this back then! Nothing exciting ever happened there - save for all my little self-created adventures there on the rooftops, in the trees, and in the forest preserves! In fact, to this day, I always remember my yearnings from my childhood and early life, and the things I didn't get to do, the places I didn't get to explore. Because of that, I NEVER take ANYTHING I have or experience now for granted. I truly mean that. NEVER!

COSTUMES, GAGS, AND LOTS OF FUN!

Later that September, Matthew read a newspaper and came across an ad looking for staff for Halloween-based shops. Having worked at one back in Chicago, I knew that meant costumes, gags, and lots of fun! He and I shared much of the same spirit, and we both responded to the ad. Before we knew it, we each got to manage one of their shops. I wound up with, in MY opinion, the better of the two. This was great! I could exercise my leadership urges and abilities, don costumes galore, play with all kinds of gags, pull pranks on people, and more all at once, and all in the name of business!

THE MANAGER IN ME

My employees really liked me. No matter where I've been a manager, I have always been a favorite of the employees under me, luckily. Why? Well...first and foremost, I believe that if you have a happy crew, you can't go wrong. Happy workers work harder. I believe that part of a managers job is to trust one's employees to do their jobs. I believe in positive, encouraging methods. I don't believe in negative enforcement unless it is absolutely necessary. Even then, in disciplinary actions, you must treat employees with respect. These are people, not slaves. My policy is simple. Respect me and do your job well, and you will be rewarded with privileges. For example, I brought movies for them to watch in the back room on their breaks. They were allowed to play music when they wished. I allowed them to take their breaks at certain times whenever they asked. They really respect me. It shows that being a nice guy CAN and DOES pay off, after all. Still you have to be strong when you're a leader of any kind. Being nice does NOT mean being a pushover. It just means that you should lead with compassion, understanding, and respect. And you will get respect and devotion in return.

This job was especially fun for everyone! How often does one get to tell ones employees things like "Here...take this gooey eyeball and go play with it out front"?! Or "Go chase people around with this dismembered hand"?! "Here, put this costume on, pretend that youre a mannequin, and scare the hell out of people that come in!"

They weren't the only ones who got to play, though! I think I played more than all of them! Everyday, I donned a different costume and wig. One day I was Elvis, the next I was The Grim Reaper. I also put together some of my own creations! Once, (And don't ask me where or how I came up with THIS!) I combined a cow costume with a Jason mask ("Friday the 13th") and held a fake bloody cleaver in my...hoof? I stood just outside the entrance to the shop - perfectly still. I got certain kinds of vibes from certain kinds of people. You know, you just instinctively know who to scare! I can't really explain it. You just KNOW. Well, these people would come up to me and sort of study me. After a few seconds, I would suddenly shout and run after them! They would scatter - screaming like crazy! But, of course, after a moment, they would laugh about it and come in, and would usually wind up buying something. Usually something they could take home and scare someone ELSE with! In addition to all the costumes, I would also experiment with all the special effects and theatrical make up we sold. I would do this in front of the customers as demonstrations. It worked well. One time, I used spirit gum to glue fake roaches all over my face! That DEFINITELY got reactions! My favorite was the liquid latex! It was amazing what you could turn yourself into with that stuff! I even enjoyed joining my employees in dressing up the mannequins as different monsters and film characters and politicians. All in all, it was a wonderful experience!

FREAKLING BROS. PRESENTSTHE DUNGEON

Around the time these Halloween shops opened, Matthew found another ad. This one was for haunted house auditions - one in particular. It was run by a group that called themselves Freakling Bros. We both instantly decided to go! However, it turned out that I had to work and could not attend the auditions, but I really wanted to go! I had ALWAYS had a great love of haunted houses (being a Halloween season baby), and couldnt get enough of them. Now here, finally, was my chance to work / perform in one! I asked Matthew to explain this to them, to tell them what line of work we were already in, and BEG them to let me have a separate audition. He came back with the news that he had made it, and was chosen to be a character called, The Wizard Room Keeper. I was very happy for him, of course. He had bad news for me, though. Despite understanding why I couldnt make it, and that I sounded very appealing to them, they could not make an exception. They could not give me a separate audition. I was heartbroken. But not for long, for when opening night arrived, a miracle happened!

FATE STEPS IN AND SEES [ME] THROUGH

Early in September, The Dungeon had its debut. Though it hurt me to be there and not be a part of it, I went to be supportive of Matthew. Since I went there with him, we got there very early, and they did let me backstage to wait until they opened. I got to meet Duke, the leader, Daniel, his twenty-something son, Dana, Dukes sister, and Eric, Daniels best friend. These were the heads of Freakling Bros. They apologized up and down to me that they couldnt audition me. I was graceful about it, of course. They began to check everything before allowing the cast to get ready. A few moments later, they came running out in a panic. To my surprise, it was ME they came running up to! The guy they had chosen to play the very first scare, The Stair Master, had called them - announcing that something had come up, and he had to turn down the role - ON OPENING NIGHT! I was sitting on a couch next to Matthew, who was about to start getting ready. Could Iwould Iplease fill in for this guy and take on this character. I would be dressing up as a long, gray-haired, skeleton faced, blood stained robe. I would be under an artificial flight of carpeted stairs peering out from a small peek hole until I saw the victims place their feet on the first step. I would then open the staircase, pop up, and scream at them. I would then pull a cord next to me under the stairs that opened the wall for them to enter into the hallway that would lead them to the next scare. Did I really feel I could do this? They turned to Matthew. They must have really valued his opinion, for they merely asked him, Do you think hell do well? Matthew turned to them and said, He will do MORE than well. That decided it for them. I was the new Stair Master! Without giving me a second to get over my shock at this luck, or revel in a moment of happiness, they rushed me into the make up room!

Within moments, they had pulled the potato sack-like robe over me, put the wig on my head, and slapped a skeleton mask on my face. Right away, I thought, Oh, no. This mask thing is not going to work. I can do make-up that will have a much better effect than this mask! But that would have to wait till later. Right now, I was being rushed to the first chamber and shoved down the stairs! The staircase looked just like the staircase in The Munsters! And I would pop out of the middle of it just like their pet dragon, Spot! Under the stairs, I had a couple of crates to sit on. In time, they would give me a little chair. I had to crouch my head down and peer out of the tiny hole. I could see out of it just fine, though, tiny as it was. Meanwhile, I had to keep my hands on and pull down the bars that held the staircase down and in place. If I let go, the staircase would open itself and swing up. I couldnt just let go when it was time, I was told. I must lift it all the way up with my hands as gently as possible while suddenly scaring the skin off these poor people! Next to me and to my right, there was a rope cord that, when I pulled it, would open the wall next to the staircase. It was also my job to somehow make sure the victims went through this opening and into the hall. Outside the staircase, it looked like a mini palace chamber. In the corner across from me was a suit of armor. No one was in it. It was just placed in there to look foreboding. It worked. Across from that, there was a realistic looking torch in a torch stand on the wall. Above the staircase, they had placed a mirror - making it appear that the staircase was much longer than it actually was. Very clever, that, in its simplicity. The staircase itself was fully carpeted on the outside. This not only fit the look of this room, but it hide any trace of the opening in it. The hole I peered through inside was not visible to anyone on the outside. People were to be led from the outdoor line and up a ramp by the Executioner and into my chamber through a leather flap curtain.

SUCCESS!

Well, we were ready to open now. I peered through the hole and braced myself for my first victims. I heard the Executioner bellow for them and lead them up the ramp. They nervously came in. After a moment of looking around, and wondering if the knights suit of armor was going to come after them, one of them put a foot on the first step. Before she could get the other foot up on it, in a flash I opened the staircase and, out of nowhere, came this near-Crypt Keeper-like voice, screaming at them. They ALL jumped back, and wound up on top of each other in a heap on floor!! Then, without thinking, I did something that was NOT in my job description. I vaulted myself off the crates and out of the staircase in one leap and chased them off the floor (and each other!) and around the room - taunting them with that voice that I had not planned, I then hopped back into the staircase in one hop just long enough to pull the cord to open the wall, and then vaulted back out again to chase them partially through the new hallway. From nowhere came this line, Rest in pieces! and an unexpected laugh that escaped my throat that sounded like a cross between the Crypt Keeper and Beetlegeuse! I then slammed the wall behind them and hopped back into the staircase. I was never expected to leave the inside of the staircase, but I had done it out of pure reflex. I then discovered something else I hadnt expected. I could hear them on the other side of the wall BEHIND me! AND there was a step ladder back there that they had just put there to get out of the way. This step ladder could put me in a position that allowed my head to go over that back wall. I climbed up there and peered over. I saw them, but it was in such a way that they could not see ME! I had to get in some more taunting. But this time I put on a different, lower, creepier voice. I told them that I [was] coming for [their] souls. They screamed and freaked and blindly tried to flee the pitch black hallway! This was great! I could SORT OF do TWO characters!

Where this voice and this laugh and this very scary but slightly comedic, pun-spewing personality came from, I, to this day, have no idea! Nor do I know where the automatic reflexes to vault in and out of the staircase and the chasing around the room came from, or the discovery that I get them yet again as a disembodied voice! The ABILITY to vault myself in and out of the staircase - that I know the origins of - my life-long gymnastic abilities! But those first reflexes to do so - I dont know where those came from. With my very first victims, I had stumbled upon and turned into this instantly fully developed character!

My next victims ran right back out the entrance and one of them could not be coaxed to come back in. Of course, they knew better than to even try to get their money back. That happened often that very first night. The people who ran the place watched and observed the outside throughout the night. They were mainly trying to focus on watching the reactions of people as they came out the final exit, but they began to notice these customers running out the ENTRANCE - being too scared to come back in. Eventually, they came in and went through. They saw what I was doing. At the end of the night, after changing back from monsters into normal people (?) we had what would become a nightly tradition of backstage meetings and exchanges of scares. Duke, Daniel, Dana and Eric made a special point of telling everyone how unexpectedly great I did, and the irony of how I wasnt even supposed to be in the cast because I was unable to audition! I got a round of applause from everyone that sent chills down my spine! They proceeded to officially announce that I was DEFINITELY in the cast to stay!!

MASTERING THE STAIRS

I explained to them my idea of using special effects make-up instead of the mask - which had a tendency to get sweaty and slip off my face. They trusted me to do it. I found a prosthetic, two-piece skeleton face kit that I use over and over. It was MUCH more comfortable and stayed on every night without trouble whatsoever. And it looked much better and more realistic, too. What did Matthew do, you may be wondering? Well, the Wizard Room Keeper was very tall and thin. (That was Matthews physique). He had a wizards outfit and hat. His face was very dark. It looked sort of burnt up. I just remember visiting him in the wizard room on breaks and hardly being able to see much else besides his eyes and mouth! The wizard room was the second to last area before the exit. It was kind of like a scary, baby-sitting room, if you will. It looked very much like a dark, twisted library. It was Matthews job to frighteningly keep guests in the room until Joe, the flying demon (thanks to a cable in the ceiling and a body harness) was ready and back in his place after chasing his previous victims out the final exit. The wizard room had victims lined up via a railing that had an open electric current running over it (intentionally). If one were to put his hand on it, he / she would get a shock! Once Matthew had an unruly guest who tried to climb over the railing despite Matthews warnings. In the process, he straddled the railing, andZAP! Got it right in the balls!

I continued my pattern of scaring my victims, but got more and more intense, and came up more puns! As for the disembodied voice part, the Executioner and I got to know each other, and developed a routine. Since he was the one who remained outside the entrance, he would listen to certain groups of customers as they waited in line. What he listened for was for one of them to address another by name. He then would come into my chamber before he brought that patch of victims up and tell me that there was someone in the next group with this name or that name. I would do my usual Stair Master routine on them. But once they were behind the wall behind me, I would use the name given me as the disembodied voice. For example: If the Executioner told me he had heard there someone in the group named Lisa, as the disembodied voice, I would say, LiiiiiisaaaaaWere coming for your soul! Or something along those lines. This would REALLY freak them out! They had no idea HOW anyone in there knew their name!!

FALL FORWARD, SPRANG BACK

I was so into my character that it backfired once! In all my life, I had never broken a bone or got anything sprang - until now. In one of my routine vaults out of the staircase, I finally missed a step, and, though I never knew what it felt like to sprang any of my body, I instinctively knew that I had just sprang my ankle. It was a pain I had never known. Yet somehow it didnt stop me. I let my yelp turn into the shriek of The Stairmaster, and vaulted back out anyway. I still managed to chase my victims around the room and through the hall. I still managed to vault back into the staircase and up the stepladder to torment them as the disembodied voice. It was routine for one of the bosses to come through and check on us in between victims. It was usually Daniel. They would ask us if we were alright, if we needed water or something to nibble on, etc., etc. When Daniel came around that night, he could tell I was in pain. I told him what happened, and he asked if I needed to stop for the night. They were willing to stop for awhile. They could either have one of them take my place, or just have the guests forego the Stairmaster thing.

It was tempting because of the pain, but I felt too much of a sense of duty. I would stay at my post for the rest of the night. Not only that, but I still continued to be as energetic and acrobatic as I always was and torment my victims in all my usual ways. I was later offered time off to rest my ankle, but I turned it down. Later that week, Josh, one of the friends I had made in the cast, invited me to visit him. Now, he was only a short distance away. And there is nothing wrong with public transportation. I had gotten very used to it back in my early high school days in Chicago. Even today, I believe that even when one has a car, it is good to give it a rest sometimes. Save on wear and tear by taking public transportation sometimes. The bus I needed arrived at my stop just before I did. I ran for it. Suddenly, just before I reached it, my OTHER foot got caught in the grating surrounding a tree, and down I went. I got the exact same pain as I had earlier that week. Now, after a lifetime of no such accidents, I had sprung BOTH ankles within the same week! I still got on the bus and visited Josh. Duke, Daniel, and the others pressed me to take time off again upon hearing this. But I wouldnt have it. Though in much pain, I still performed my character without sacrificing an ounce of vigor. Eventually, the pain went away, thankfully, and my ankles both healed.

ENDLESS HALLOWEEN

Did I mention that I managed the Halloween shop by day and performed in The Dungeon by night throughout the entire Halloween season?! Even my sleep was filled with Halloween-related dreams. Yes, it was Halloween for me 24 hours a day, seven days a week! Did I ever tire of it? Hell no!! In fact, I even found ways to bridge the two. Towards the end of my shift at the shop, I would put on my characters skeleton prosthetics and make up using our own products as demonstrations. I had also purchased one of our Elvira wigs and one of our capes. This was my traveling get-up. The effect made me look like I belonged in the famous rock band, Kiss. I rode the bus this way to The Dungeon. I thoroughly enjoyed the various reactions I got from the other passengers and strangers along the way! Once I arrived at The Dungeon, I would trade the black cape for my bloodstained robe, and my Elvira wig for the long gray wig, and I was ready to go.

SCARING PENN AND TELLER

Before the season was over, we were visited by a pair of VIP victims - the famous magic / comedy duo, Penn and Teller. I knew there was something familiar about them as I popped out of the staircase and chased them around. But it wasnt until I peered over the back wall to do my disembodied voice that I recognized them. I thought it was very cool that they had come through! At the end of our nightly last meeting, it was confirmed that it had indeed been them. Not only that, but they had invited us ALL to dinner if we could close The Dungeon down early for just this one night. Duke had politely turned down the offer because he could not bring himself to deny the public our usual hours. Though I probably would have done the same if it had been me, I found myself wishing he had accepted. That would have been a most interesting and rewarding experience! Before I left, I was told that I had been one of their four favorite characters. I was flattered and honored. In fact, throughout the entire season, it had always been the same four of us that were the most talked about, the most enjoyed. The other three were Matthew, Joe, the flying demon at the very end, and the scream girl. I dont remember her name, but I think it was Joan. She was posted in the Green Room. It was actually a pitch black room that had green neon-like skeleton heads all over its walls. She wore all black, including a black see-through hood over her face. She stood in a corner holding up two of the fluorescent green skeleton heads. When victims passed near her, she would shove the skeleton heads towards them, and let out the most piercing scream any of us had ever heard! However, her scream seemed to have a certain effect on the guests. They would get so startled that that, out of pure reflex, they would punch her in the stomach! The poor girl got beat up this way on a nightly basis! But she never even thought about quitting! What a trooper this girl was! Even when she had just gotten her belly button pierced, continuing to get punched in the stomach, she stayed on without complaint. In fact, she laughed it off! But yes, we were always the fave four.

THE NIGHTMARE OF SAYING GOOD-BYE

Finally, there came the inevitable end - that dreaded day, November 1rst. Not only did I have to get everything packed up in the shop as we began to close down, but I would also have to say good-bye to my character and comrades in terror. Freakling Bros. held a grand farewell party for us a few nights later. I upheld my own personal tradition (I would do this with programs after every show I had ever performed in.) of having the cast sign one of our biggest flyers. Everyone had a lot of very nice, flattering, honorable things to write. Daniel especially. He had written how grateful he was that I had been such an asset to the cast, and that I had always gone so far beyond all expectations and duties. It was a great party, but very sad at the same time. It was more of a nightmare to say good-bye to them than any we had conjured up for our victims!

We still did things together, though. Matthew and I still lived together, for one. Josh and I hung out a lot. We would rollerblade around UCLV and ride the brand new New York, New York casinos roller coaster. We saw the film adaptation of Evita together many times. And I would occasionally play soccer and croquet with Daniel, Eric, and their friends in a nearby park. They would come to the play I would later star in. I, of course, reprised my Stairmaster role the following year. But many things had changed. Matthew did not come back for The Dungeons second year. Josh, Joe, and I were the only ones who had returned. I had, by this time, become EXTREMELY busy. I was concentrating on rehearsals for Greater Tuna, my OWN theater companys first show, in which I produced, co-directed, single-handedly promoted, and personally portrayed no less than eleven characters. I was running my social / support groups at a local community center, and beginning to do some charitable volunteer work. And, of course, I was working as well in a bookshop. I also lived much farther away in a town house in Henderson. I will get into all of these things in the following chapters, but getting back to The Dungeon, we had our first cast meeting of the second season. Duke had me come up front next to him. He introduced me to the new cast members. He put his hands on my shoulders, and said, I want you to take a look at our veteran, Gerard here. This guy is the best in the business! Watch him! Learn from him! Ask him questions! He then proceeded to tell them the story of how I had not been auditioned and cast originally and how I had been there that fateful night, filled in, and became one of their greatest characters. Again, I got a round of applause and the goose bumps followed. De ja vu! And, of course, it back into the staircase as it had been the year before! Then came the victimsthe rest is history.

TAXI TALES

Getting back to the previous year - just after The Dungeons FIRST season ended, Matthew and I were about to go back to our somewhat quieter lives. But, in my case, this was not to be. No sooner did our stint with The Dungeon end, then up pops an audition for a community theater show called, Taxi Tales! I went to the café they would be performing the show in - complete with stage, backstage, and all. After my audition, I was informed that I had landed one of the five lead roles - an inspiring singer simply called, The Teaser. While aspiring to be a great singer, he drove a cab for a living. The entire play was about five cab drivers and their bizarre passengers from hell! Each driver had his / her own segment of the show. My character was the great optimist who had to be brought down. His downfall was being too nice a guy, and his crazy passengers took advantage of him to the point of tears. Yes, this role brought me somewhat back into my early life. In fact, I had to revisit those old, painful memories and draw upon them to play this character. I had to become my old, no-longer existent self to make this the performance it needed to be. I had to relive everything to the extent of being able to once again feel the same feelings again. I did not like that part of it, but I knew I was no longer that person, and never REALLY was to begin with.

I picked my own costume from thrift shops, and the director was very pleased with the result. This DID take place back in 70s, after all! I wore a black velvet jacket, ruffled poets shirt, black dress bell-bottom pants, and black, dressy, platform shoes. My segment began with me dancing around in the invisible rain - twirling my umbrella to Frank Sinatras Ive Got the World On a String. As for the umbrella, I was greatly inspired by the many tricks Jim Carreys Riddler did with his cane in Batman Forever. I learned many of those tricks with my umbrella and used them in my song-and-dance routine in the show. After the song, my character got into his cab and picked up his first passenger - a bitchy, snobby, elegantly dressed woman woman named Contessa Drake. She even wore a tiara on her head. Next was a sloppy, tacky, heavy set man wearing furry boots. When not in character, I called them his Chewbacca boots. He and Contessa fiercely argued. Next, a beautiful young, small-framed nun hopped into the cab waving her can at everyone for donations. In the middle of their argument, Contessa and the slob got out - not only without leaving a tip but even paying their fares. For no reason at all, they greatly insult The Teaser and run off. This upsets my character a great deal. Only he and the nun are left in the cab. They revel together about how good it is to be kind and compassionate. Then, suddenly, she grabs some money out of his pocket, rips off the nun outfit, and runs out of the cab - laughing at him. My character then is left sobbing to himself. The scene ends with him having a complete breakdown. Mine was the deepest, saddest segment of the show. I pulled it off very well. Other segments were much more bizarre. One of the other drivers had perverted passengers who had accidentally left him a blow-up doll! Upon discovery, that driver began to play with it! Thats where his scene ended!

I quickly learned to snap out of my characters depression and those old memories of my own immediately after my performances ended. We got great reviews and our director / producer was very pleased with us. He cast me again in his next show as a young guy who was having many secret affairs. Shortly into rehearsals, however, he announced that he was unable to continue. He had to move out of state. Everyone was very disappointed, but there was nothing anyone could do about it. I did not want to stop performing. I wanted to fill the void. I wanted there to be a show. It was at this time that old dream of mine crept back into my head.

THE BIRTH OF HANGMAN'S TREE PRODUCTIONS

    I thought back on how I had, as a child, gathered my neighborhood friends together and put on shows in my backyard. If I could do it back then, why on earth shouldn't I be able to do it now?! Sure, I could! And I would! I would start my own entertainment group! I decided to begin to use what would become my personal gimmick of using Peter Pan references as names of everything create and put together. The whole mother-company would be called, Hangman's Tree Productions (In reference to Peter Pan's home, Hangmans Tree ). The theater division, I would call, Second Star Productions (In reference to the famous directions to Neverland, "Second star to the right, and straight on till morning."). Later, I would name my soon-to-be free-lance art company, Thimble-Kiss Creations (In reference to the thimble-as-kiss idea in the original story.) I would, years later, here in Hollywood, start and run a social group for new-in-town guys called, The Lost Boys (In reference to Peter's band of boys). And I am already calling my aspired, multi-cause charity foundation Happy Thoughts (In reference to one of the two necessary elements one needs to be able to fly)!

GREATER TUNA

    Matthew loved this idea, and pushed me to choose a favorite play of his - a bizarre comedy called, "Greater Tuna". He had been in the show once long before I had met him. It was originally created for only TWO actors to perform 11 characters each - each appearing onstage as a different character about every two minutes! However, the production Matthew had been in had done it differently. They had cast a different person as each individual character. And Matthew had always wanted to do it the way it was SUPPOSED to be done. And here, with me creating this entertainment company, he saw his chance! The show is basically a day in the life of these many, crazy, off-the-wall small town Texans. They were crazier than "The Beverly Hillbillies" and FAR more deranged! I wasn't sure about doing this show as our first, but the more I thought about it, the more the pure challenge of it appealed to me. Matthew had also pointed out that I could start out simple. We wouldn't have to cast anyone else yet until our NEXT show - AFTER getting the recognition and respect from THIS one. We would perform the 22 characters ourselves - as was supposed to be the way. I could produce. But what about the direction? If we were going to perform all these characters between ourselves, we would certainly need an objective point of view! So, shortly afterward, I found a young man to fill that void. He and I would co-direct. And so it was. I purchased the rights to the show through a company named Samuel French - which is based here in Los Angeles. I then had a meeting with the couple who ran the café that "Taxi Tales" was performed in. Since they already knew me well, they were more than glad to let me put my show on there. I would give them 10 percent of the proceeds from the show. I found all the costumes and props at various thrift shops. I soon recruited two tailors to put the costumes together. We were now ready to begin rehearsals!

THE CHARACTERS

  How does one appear on stage as eleven characters every two minutes within a two-hour show?! I'll tell you - LOTS of Velcro! Without it, I don't think we could have pulled this off! Let's see. Matthew and I played two deranged, incompetent male radio announcers. I played three kids from the same family: a little boy who had too many dogs, a fat, whiny, teen-aged girl who wanted to be a cheerleader, of all things (We had a fat suit created for this character), and a long-haired town bully. I also played one of the yipping dogs from behind a newspaper. I played a horny divorcee who ran a gun shop, a buck-toothed wannabe town politician, a nerdy, much-too-eager, animals rights activist, a showy, out-of-town reporter, a holier-than-thou church lady-type, and more! Among Matthew's characters was a town preacher that put everyone to sleep, a terrified, screaming maid, a sheriff who didn't have a clue, the neurotic housewife / mother of the three children I played, a puppy-hating, crabby old woman who was in league with my teenage bully character, and more!

"ANOTHER SUITCASE IN ANOTHER HALL"

    It was during these rehearsals that a heavy-set woman named Renee asked me to become her live-in housekeeper. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but there were some perks involved. I wound up with a lot of empty second garage space to hold rehearsals in when the café / theater wasn't able to us. (No, I did not live in this garage. I had my own room inside the house.) She would also help bring more people to my show. Her husband, Eric, was very quiet and kept to himself. They were very, very sloppy. It was hell trying to clean up after them. They would trash the place within an hour after my cleaning it. They didn't need a housekeeper. They needed someone to follow them every step throughout the house with a broom, mop, and trashcan! I cannot even go into the horrors of keeping up with the dishes! No wonder they weren't able to keep housekeepers! There were times they were very nice to me. And I did enjoy Renee's cultured theatricality. Eric mainly kept to himself. But there were too many other times when Renee treated me horribly. She was a very unhappy woman. She hardly ever left the house. She was at her computer playing the card game, Solitaire day and night. She was also a nudist, and she would blame me for her need to feel presentable by staying clothed for me. I never asked this of her. Of course, I didn't want to have to see her that way, either, but I never asked her to abandon her ways. Finally, she just didn't care anymore, and I would constantly be embarrassed when I had my own guests. I found myself again being mentally and emotionally abused by this woman. I began to secretly look for a new place to live, and a new job.

WHAT PERFECT TIMING!

    After many rehearsals, and much hard work promoting the show, we were a week from opening. Matthew and John, the assistant director, had, on and off, not gotten along with Victor, one of the couple who ran the café. I didn't understand this as I got along with both Victor and Mayra all along just fine. But I had to keep apologizing for Matthew and John. One horrible day, after one of their petty arguments, Matthew and John asked me to sit down with them. Because of their dislike of Victor, they did not want to do the show here. And they refused to. Were they crazy?! We had worked so hard, and we had less than a week before opening! Where the hell else were we going to put on the show?! You can't just switch theaters like that! There are all the legalities concerning the rights, and Samuel French Co. to deal with! What were they doing to me?! I could not BELIEVE what I was hearing! I begged them not to do this! They said they wanted to do the show somewhere else at some later time. Basically, they wanted me to give it up. No! No! NO! I had worked too damn hard on this for too damn long. And more importantly, I had made a promise to the public to put on this show! I had just promoted the hell out of it! We had articles written about us in local magazines! I had even gotten flattering mentions in gossip columns as a result of this, for Gods sake! People were expecting me to put on this show, and damn it, I wasn't going to betray them or myself! I would NOT let them down! After getting nowhere with them, I had decided that I had no choice but to start all over again without them. I had to eat humble pie and write my own letters to these local magazines and explain, as diplomatically as possible, what had happened. I put out word for new cast and crew, and assured everyone that, though the show would have to be postponed for a couple of months, it WOULD be put on!

STARTING OVER

    Well, to my surprise, it didn't take long for me to find Matthew and John's replacements. Ironically, the best audition came from a guy named Brett whose physique was very similiar to Matthew's! This meant I could keep at least most of the costumes that had been made for Matthew! As for the assistant director, I had chosen an older man named Jay. Jay was a very friendly, outgoing guy. Brett and I shared the same warped sense of humor concerning the show. Another addition was a new wardrobe assistant in Brett's friend, Chris. Chris was a very quiet, sweet, middle-aged woman. She and Jay would be back backstage to help us in and out of our many costumes. This sped up the process greatly. Brett and I constantly joked around - imagining twisted further adventures and destinies for many of our characters! We joked around during rehearsals, too. All of us! Yes, it is important to work hard, but you need a few laughs now and then, too!

THE BIRTH OF THIMBLE-KISS CREATIONS

    It was during this time period that I again began to dabble with Prismacolor and Design markers. In the past, I had drawn MANY celebrity caricatures, Disney characters and film scenes - out of personal tribute, and my tributes to many other established cartoon characters, as well as a collection of my own cartoon characters. So often had people told me I should get into business with my artistic abilities. The fact that I had now created a theater troupe inspired me to finally do this! I put out ads promoting myself as a free-lance artist for hire under the name, Thimble-Kiss Creations. To my pleasant surprise, I began to get a lot of calls, and was hired for many jobs. Most of my projects involved creating logos for little budding businesses. Sometimes I was asked to touch something up. Sometimes I was hired to sketch someone. I was also asked to draw some political cartoons for local magazines and newspapers. Some clients were interested in caricatures. One such client was the owner of a bar. I would be paid near a hundred dollars a night - two nights a week - to draw caricatures of the bar's patrons. He wanted to create a sort of caricature Hall of Fame for its walls. I recently learned that my drawings had been up on these walls all this time! It was only earlier this year - 2003 - that they had finally been taken down!

SOCIAL GROUP BUTTERFLY

    Getting back to the far past, it was also during this time that I had started on my path of running social / support groups. My desire to get involved in things was coming back. I had heard of one such group at a local community center. I attended. Not much was going on, but it was good to become a part of something as a little break from working on the show and my artwork. I attended a few more sessions. It seemed to be mostly gossip sessions and sex talk. But there had to be more to it than this, I thought. Maybe if I kept going, I would see what this group was REALLY all about. All of a sudden one session, the leader announced he had lost interest in continuing the group, and was declaring its disbanding. No! This group had so much potential! Something had to be done! None of its older members offered to keep it going. They just sat there disappointed. I knew I was just a brand new member, but, nonetheless, I found myself suddenly standing up, and saying, "Dont let this group die! Let ME take it over if no one else wants to! " I gave everyone else the chance to make claim to it. Who was I? I had only just begun attending a few sessions. Everyone wanted it to continue, but no one was willing to take charge of it. Before long, it was settled. The group would not only continue, but take a completely new direction., and I was chosen to be its leader. I had told them what I thought we were capable of. We could do all kinds of charitable things: help soup kitchens for the homeless, visit the sick and the elderly, including AIDS patients, champion causes, and more! Besides that, we could have a lot of fun, too! We could go miniature golfing, have softball games, go to movies, even watch movies on a regular basis right there at the center! We could have guest speakers come to help us learn about different things. We would attend seminars. There was no end to what we could do! And these things we did! Word soon was that we were the strongest group the community had seen. And I was being hailed as a real mover and shaker of Las Vegas. Soon came more articles and cute little gossip column mentions. The woman who ran this center gave me license to do whatever I wanted to do. I adored her, and would go to ends of the earth for this woman. She believed in me like no other person before. For the first time in my life, it seemed I had the Midas touch. I was beginning to discover potential I never even knew I had.

DAVID

    David was a member of the group that I had taken on. He was very impressed with the fact that I wouldn't let it die, and had taken it in the direction I had. We began to hang out a lot. He was a 25, tall, skinny, and studious-looking. He was very clean-cut. He had short, dark blonde hair, wore glasses, and was a latecomer in wearing braces on his teeth. He was from a wealthy family. He had gotten those cushy jobs at a very young age. At this point in time, he worked for Xerox. Never had to struggle. He had both a van and a motorcycle. He had his own house. He had it made. This didn't interest me about him, though. The reason we became friends was that he was a nice guy who believed in me. He helped me create and design my flyers and programs for my show by taking me into Xerox at night when no one was around. He let me go online to find what I would need to create my company's logo. I found a non-descript, legally usable image of Peter Pan. I found an image of a golden shooting star, and superimposed Peter in front of it. That was now Hangman's Tree / Second Star Production's logo! I also found a coffee cup logo for the café in order to promote their business on my flyers / programs as well. I chose many different fonts for each individual line on the flyers and program covers. I put our photos and mini bios on the backs of the programs. After a few hours, I was finally done. In exchange for his help in letting me do this, I added both him and Xerox itself in my list of those to be thanked. Before long, we were all set to go as far as far as the flyers and programs went.

THE RESCUE

    One night while at the center and about to begin my groups meeting, I was talking to the volunteer at the front desk. The phone rang, and I could tell it was someone with a desperate situation on the other end. Unsure of what to do about this caller's distress, the volunteer, out of pure reflex, handed the phone to me saying, "Here...I can't handle this, and you'd be good with this sort of thing." I didn't know what was going on. I took the phone, though I didn't know why it was being handed to me. There was a man on the other end crying and in need of immediate assistance. He wept that he and his nephew had been disowned by their family and turned out into the street in Salt Lake City. They had intercepted a note from the nephew to this uncle. They did not like the nephew's new lifestyle, and felt it was the fault of the uncle's influence. The uncle had mistakenly thought that he could win money for them to get by on here in Las Vegas. They had been homeless, hungry, and exhausted, and desperate for help. They decided to call here - not knowing what to do.

    I wasn't sure what to do at first, either. What could I do, really? However, I could not bring myself to turn these people away without trying SOMETHING. In a sudden flash, I then came up with a plan. I asked the man where he was, wrote down the information, and told him to stay right there. I would be out there within half an hour. Help was on the way. The former leader of the group was still a member. So, I asked him to take over the group for me this one night. I asked David if he would come with me. He agreed, and we took his van.

    We found them exactly where they said they'd be. First, we would take them to Applebee's to give them a decent meal. Then, we would go to the center and figure things out from there. They did look utterly exhausted. I felt so bad for them. On the way back to the center, the uncle began to cry. He said how grateful he was that we cared enough to be so kind to them. After our talk at the center, I tried to figure out where they could go to stay, but could not. All the shelters that were listed were closed. The group's meeting had long since ended by this point, and no one was in the center anymore other than the uncle and nephew, and David and I. Actually, they were just outside - waiting for me to finish my phone calls. The nephew had instantly fallen asleep the second he sat down with his back to the wall. I hung up the phone in exasperation. Then, I tried the last option left. They would stay with me. Renee was out of town for a couple of weeks, and I picked up the phone to call Eric to ask him if a couple friends of mine could stay for a couple of days.

    Before I got the chance, David suddenly grabbed me and put the phone back down. He held me back rom it, telling me that the fact that I cared about people was one of the things everyone liked about me, but I couldn't "save the world". I told him I COULDN'T leave these people out on the streets - especially in their exhausted condition. I HAD to help them. We went back and forth like this for awhile while he still refused to let me out of the embrace. Finally, he gave up and let me go. I called Eric, and it wound up being okay with him. They went home with me. They cried some more, but I reassured them all would be well. I let them borrow some of my clothes while we washed theirs. Then I let them fall asleep on the couches in the second garage.

    The next morning, I made a bunch of phone calls, got the names of organizations, and called them on their behalf. An organization called MCC had a branch in Salt Lake City - which where they wanted to return - just not back with their family. MCC came through for them with complimentary Greyhound bus tickets to return to Salt Lake City. Once they arrived there, a minister from MCC there would take them in until, with his help, they would find a new place of their own. David and I took them to the station the next day where they were to pick up their tickets. We made sure they got the tickets, and waited with them until their bus was ready to leave. Before they boarded, they turned to me. "We have a gift for you." I told they had no need to give me a gift. They needed whatever they had. They insisted. "It's not much, but its the only thing we can spare." They pulled out of one of their bags - an alarm clock! Yes, I had one already, of course, but I realized I would offend them if I did not accept it. But I did so with my usual sense of humor. Luckily, they understood it! "Oh, thanks guys! I'll think of you two every morning when I'll want to throw this across the room!" They laughed. The driver called for everyone to get on board the bus. They hugged David and then me. They were again in tears, thanking me over and over. I simply said, "You're welcome." They got on the bus. We waited till it pulled out and waved back to them at the window. I heard from them later on. They had gotten their own place after all, after having stayed with the minister, who also helped them get their lineage-tracing business going. It warmed my heart to know that they were alright and back on course with their lives, and happy.

   OPENING NIGHT



     Again, it was around this time that Freakling Bros. brought The Dungeon back, for it was now Halloween season again. As I had mentioned earlier, I reprised my role as The Stairmaster. Meanwhile, we were getting close to opening night for "Greater Tuna". I had, by this point, left Renee and Eric's and had landed a two-story townhouse in the suburb of Henderson. I had also started working at a bookstore in addition to my free-lance art commissions. Local magazines printed new articles about us and even let me write my own letter / article to give the rest of my new crew the credit and recognition they deserved.

    Finally, it was actual opening night!! I peeked out through the thin slit between the curtains. We had a full audience. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had kept my promise, and finally delivered the show! I got the usual pre-show butterflies - always a good sign. If you don't get those butterflies, beware! We went out there, and gave a great show!! Lots of applause! Matthew was there. He even admitted that I had done the right thing. He really enjoyed the show, and said that I had done a great job in the life I gave to all the separate characters. As for Brett, he said he did a very good job, but, since those were going to originally be his roles, he was a just a bit biased. I had expected that. I had a lot of people come up to me after the show and tell me they thought it was wonderful.

WILL, THE GROUPIE

    Our future shows went really well! We got very good reviews! We even got our own groupies that came to EVERY performance - bringing more people each time! One of them was named Will. He also began to attend my group meetings. He was a short, skinny 21-year-old. He had short, frizzy, dark blonde hair, dark eyebrows, and big ears.. I began to think of him as a sort of kid brother, and he began to really look up to me. He had a good heart and was full of aspirations. The only catch was that he had a gambling weakness. He stole from a lot of people and places of business, and got himself kicked out of and banned from a lot of places. I sort of took him under my wing anyway. I felt I could help guide him out of this weakness, and gave him things to do both on behalf of my theater troupe and on behalf of my group. He did these things with much eagerness. Around this time, I also met a middle-aged, half Texan / half Native American woman

Named Kim. She was very much a tom-boyish sort of woman. She always wore her long hair in a French braid, and wore nothing but T-shirts and jeans. She began to join Will and I on many of our errands, and was interested in joining my theater troupe. She was a little strange. She had this incredible infatuation with Seigfried and Roy. She was convinced that she had special powers. Well, maybe she did. Who knows? Who am I to say? She was nice, though. It wasn't the first time, and wouldn't be the last time I chose to be friends with people other people wouldnt associate with.

"ON THE RADIO"

    Our show was getting very good word of mouth as was my group and my artwork. It reached the ears of two women who ran an AM radio show. They invited me to be a guest on their show. They asked me questions about many things. I had never been on a radio show before. It was a lot of fun - being in the studio, wearing the headphones, watching the monitors, answering phone calls from listeners. After the show, the women approached me with an offer. Would I be willing to write some comedy material and perform it with some of my theater troupe during the last fifteen minutes of each of their shows? I was stunned! Write comedy like that? Every week? I had never done anything like this before! Yet, I knew it was an offer I might never get again! So, I accepted it, asked for two weeks, and trusted that I would figure something out somehow.

SAM

    A few days later, we had a newcomer from out of town join the group at the center. His name was Sam. He was in his late twenties with a youthful look. He was on the short side, but taller than me, thin, medium brown hair, and looked a bit elfish. (Who am I to talk about THAT?!) He had a studious look when he wore his glasses. His personality was very interesting. He was very cultured, a bit of an intellectual, a bit of a hippy, and a bit impish all at once. He was heavily into the fine arts. He hung out with me after our meetings. Right away, he was interested in being part of the radio show.

DAVID'S BETRAYAL

    Around this time, someone who started hanging around with David began to have a very bad influence on him. David began surprising me by turning into a snob. He began to look down and insult a lot of people and organizations I was trying to help. He began to feel that people who didn't make the money he did - including myself - were beneath him. I was shocked, but I knew his new friend was a very negative, mean-spirited snob himself, and I couldn't stand him. I was surprised, however, at how weak David apparently was to be so easily swayed in this manner. I disagreed completely with David's new condescending views and he and I wound up in more than one argument. I did not like the person he was becoming at all. Needless to say, we wound up having a falling out.

BREAKING INTO THE AIRWAVES

    While goofing around with Sam, Will, and Kim, I began to get a lot of corny, campy, SNL-type ideas for the radio show. I began to write them down, and had a mini-script before long. All three of them were interested in being on the show. Brett, Chris, and Jay preferred to stick only with the stage. So, I now had both my theater troupe and my radio troupe. I made sound effect tapes and background music tapes to be played

at the appropriate times. We were good to go! We performed our first skit on the air, and everyone loved it! Personally, I thought it was very corny and silly, and was surprised that people liked it, but they did! It became easy - too easy - to come up with such skits every week. The more we did them, the more people liked them. As for the theater, I began putting out casting calls for our next show, which about a theater company putting on a performance of A Christmas Carol. For these characters, life begins to imitate art a bit too much. I was looking very forward to it! I had also volunteered to help out an AIDS organization by gathering some of my troupes and showing up at events in costumes to hand out AIDS awareness fact sheets.

THE TOWNHOUSE IS ROBBED!

    As I had mentioned earlier, I now had a townhouse in Henderson. What I hadn't mentioned earlier is that once again, Matthew was my roommate. Yes, we were still good friends despite his walking out on my first show. Also, at this point, I had gone from working at a bookstore to working as an assistant for a graphic arts company. At a café, I had come across a homeless couple who lived in their car. Again, my bleeding heart went out to them. Things had gone so well last time I took such people in. I discussed it with Matthew, and he was okay with me letting them sleep on the couches downstairs. We gave them two weeks, and tried to help them find jobs and other places. We thought it was rather strange one night, after their first few days with us, when we came home to find them cleaning out their car for hours, but we didn't read into it too much. We should have, though. I got a phone call at work the next afternoon from Matthew. "Guess what?" he asked. "I just got home, and EVERYTHING is gone!" "What?!" "We've been robbed!" "You're kidding, right?" "Nope." "Oh, shit! I'll be home soon."

    I went home, opened the door, and, sure enough. The room was empty, save for the couches. The entertainment center was gone, the large screen TV was gone, the VCR was gone, the entire stereo system was gone - all the good stuff!

I went upstairs to my office area. That was okay. Then the bedroom area. There were a few of my favorite knick-knacks gone. Fearing the worst, I went to where I had a bundle of money I had been saving hidden. My closet had been rummaged through, and, yes - they had found and stolen the money. I should have put that in the bank as well, I guess. Yes, I believe in keeping money in the bank. But I had also believed in keeping some emergency cash hidden to where it could always be accessible to me. Not after this, though. I apologized up and down to Matthew for inviting them in. But he understood my reasons. He had visited when I had helped out the uncle and his nephew, and he knew that had gone well. Neither of us knew this would happen.

    This was difficult for me to accept, of course. I had taken them in out of the kindness of my heart, and this is what they do to me?! I was very angry and hurt. But what did I expect? I did leave myself open for this to be able to happen. It was very tempting to be bitter about the whole experience - to let myself become jaded and give up on helping others. Yet, I did not want to become a negative person. I did not want to feel cold, and jaded, and empty. I loved the warm feeling I got from helping others too much. I did not want to give that up. I refused. It was a definite struggle, but my good side won out in the end - as it always does when I get tempted to give up and let myself become a bad, bitter person. I may make mistakes like everyone else. I may screw up from time to time - make some unexpected wrong decisions here and there. I am human, after all. But I cannot intentionally do harmful things to people. I've had a few VERY brief moments when I've tried - just to get some justice for the bad things that have happened to me while I've remained a good person - to turn bad. But I couldn't follow through. I just can't do it. It is not at all my true nature. I'm stuck being a nice guy whether I like or not. So, as long as I'm stuck with it, I might as well continue to put that to the best use possible! I wouldn't give into bitterness. I would still continue to help out whenever and however I can. I'll just have to be more careful about it from now on, that's all.

COREY

    I got a phone call one day from an elderly man who ran a veteran's art gallery. He wanted to commission some sketches from me. He gave me the basics and then had his assistant, Corey handle the details with me. I went down to the shop. It was like an apartment with paintings and sketches all over the wall. There were couches everywhere to sit on, a TV and VCR, a fridge, a microwave. It was very homey for a shop. Even for a gallery. Corey and I had the necessary discussion. Then he told me that he had been paying attention to all the other things I was doing - the stage shows, the radio shows, the group, the charity stuff, and what not. We got to hanging out.

TONY'S HOUSE

    After being in the townhouse for awhile, it seemed to get more expensive to keep up with. We realized we had to let it go, and move on. Matthew was the first to leave. I stayed behind a little bit longer. One of my friends at the time, Tony, knew my expenses were building. For some time now, he had been pushing me to move into his spacious house and rent the empty room. There were three bedrooms. He had the master bedroom, another guy had one of the others, and the third had just become mine.

EXIT SAM

    Even though our shows and the group were going strong, and Sam was having great fun with it all, he did not like the Las Vegas weather. A friend of his had room for him in Seattle, Washington, and he had made the decision to go. Being very much an environmentalist, he needed to be around trees and less harsh climates. It was sad for everyone to see him go. He had been a great friend, a great member of the group, and a great asset to our shows. On his last radio show with us, I wrote a special farewell skit for him. Knowing I needed a replacement, Corey wasted no time in volunteering to fill some of the gaps. In the radio shows, I created a role for him that suited his own personality. This method worked. No one noticed, and it turned out well.

"I AM ONLY A RADIO STAR WITH JUST ONE WEEKLY SHOW"

    After having done several skits on the women's radio show, the station itself offered us our OWN full show! Apparently, we had gotten more of a following than we had thought! Since our original purpose had been to boost ratings for the women's show we had been a part of, I asked them to give us a time slot just before theirs. They had been nice enough to invite us on their program, so I didn't want to completely desert them. The station complied. Our show would merge into theirs. And so it was! I extended the skits and we spent the last part of our show with guests, discussions of entertainment topics, and taking calls from our listeners.

WILL AND KIM MOVE IN

    During this time, Will had had many fallings out with those he stayed with because of his gambling weakness. He would float in and out of this. No matter how much encouragement I gave him, he would still fall back into it. He wound up staying with Kim. She seemed to be the only person he didn't steal from so far. Unfortunately, after awhile, Kim lost her other roommate, and could no longer afford her apartment. Will did not make enough to have much of an impact on her expenses. I was going to talk to Tony to find out if they could stay in my room for a short time, but he had already offered it to them before I even got the chance! He knew we worked together on the shows, and he knew how I was with helping others. His other roommate had also already taken another person in. We now had a VERY full house! Thank God it was as large and spacious as it was! Will seemed to have too much respect for Kim and I, so I felt we were safe as far as his weakness went. Well, at least he would be close enough to keep an eye on. In fact, there were now MANY people to help keep an eye on him! However, I did not trust our other roommates friend for some unknown reason. But, for the time being, everything seemed to go alright. So, I had a cramped room! It would be temporary.

    For the final time, I flung my arms up again. Once more, there came thunderous applause as the blur of colorful shapes again moved and shifted. I abruptly turned and all but stormed off stage. The rest of my troupe followed. I nearly collapsed into them! They began to jump and shake me. "Did you see that?! Did you SEE THAT?! " "See what?" I asked them. "The standing ovations!" "We got standing ovations?!" "Standing ovations that wouldn't quit! Look back out there!" The applause WAS still going strong. I carefully peeked through the curtain. Now I was looking at them as they were - not the blur of colorful shapes, but the people they were. Sure enough, they were indeed standing up and applauding! The chills came back with a vengeance!! I couldn't believe it! But there it was - right before my very eyes! We had gotten a standing ovation by two thousand or so people!! Oh, the irony! Of all the shows - all the performances I had given throughout my life, I get the biggest crowd and the biggest reaction, and the biggest standing ovation on my first time doing a performance such as THIS!! I tried to steady myself and regain my composure. I wanted to get out of the costume so that I could revel in the very recent memory of this! But then it started. People were coming back stage for us with cameras. I got a flood of compliments. I got pulled out front to be shown around and get photographed. I remember this got awkward because my shoes kept sinking into the grass with each step! Again, I got flooded with praise and blinded by cameras. (Who the hell am I kidding?! I loved every minute of it! Even in THIS get-up!) Finally came the compliment that I'll NEVER forget - as if I could forget the entire experience! This compliment very eerily captured in EXACT words what I had set out to accomplish with this performance: "That was WONDERFUl!! THAT was a GENUINE piece of THEATER!!"

"THUS ALL FAIRY STORIES END"

    The first thing that happened shortly after this performance was that I had money stolen from me. I asked everyone in the house about it, but no one admitted it. But I had a pretty good idea who it was! I felt VERY let down. This caused me a lot of problems. This upset me to the point of moving out of Tony's house and in with Corey at his place.

    Soon after this, I had to keep my promise to my sister, Jeannie, and go back to Chicago to stand up to her wedding. My entire family and all my friends had been expecting a worthy visit for quite sometime now. Corey wanted to see Chicago and came with me. I did have some bad news before this, however. First, my father's diabetes had been really acting up, and he hadn't been feeling well recently. Second, my friend's family, who had been storing all my belongings (from before I had joined the Army) had had a recent accident. There was a fire in their basement - small, but large enough to set off the entire sprinkler system. All my things had been permanently ruined. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I had built up a supply of belongings in Phoenix and Las Vegas. I put word out that I was taking a vacation. Some people were actually upset that I had the nerve to take a break and focus on some things in my personal life! I couldnt believe this! I had worked my butt off for the past couple of years on so many things for so many people! God forbid I should have any kind of personal life! My friends assured me that these people would come to understand. We packed some clothes. We then made arrangements to let Kim stay at our place to look after our things. Having done that, we asked a couple of friends to check in on her from time to time. Finally, we were off to Chicago, my hometown.

EXIT COREY, WILL, AND KIM

        I could never imagine this day, but here it was - my kid sister walking down the aisle in a wedding dress! I wish my mother had been there to see that. But she was in some way, I imagined. It was good to see all my family and friends again. One of my friends, Michael, had offered us his apartment during our stay. In the meantime, Corey was beginning to show signs of a terrible temper, and was getting very rude all of a

sudden. He said he needed to go back to Vegas for something, and would come right back. My friends, Michael and Anthony had purchased a Greyhound round-trip bus ticket. He never came back. Michael and Anthony then admitted to me that they had pulled him aside and all but told him not to come back. He wasn't that great of a friend to me lately, true, but they had no right to do this behind my back, no matter what they thought! I was furious! Never saw him again. To make matters worse, Will disappeared. Then Kim did the same. She had taken all my belongings with her - including my huge stack of drawings that I could never replace! Neither of them were ever heard from again. I nearly suffered a breakdown, and went to stay with my father for the rest of my visit. I didn't even want to look at Michael now, much less stay with him.

DAD HAS A STROKE!

    Though feeling upset, betrayed, brokenhearted, I was about to go back to Las Vegas when my father suffered a major stroke and was rushed to the hospital! He would remain in intensive care for the next few days. I couldnt leave now. My family harped on the fact that my father would need me now, should he be lucky enough to make it through his recovery. Sandy, his wife, would need to put in many overtime hours at work to help cover new medical expenses. My sister couldnt help. She and her husband had my little baby niece,

Lena Marie, to raise. (Yes, Jeannie had been pregnant and given birth shortly before she got married. Forgot to mention that in all the above excitement.) And she had to have time with her brand new husband. Let me take a moment to state here, I didnt get the greatest vibes from him. (Yes, you guessed it. This is a foreshadowing.)They would need me to stay there. I thought back to what had happened with my mother, and I realized I had no choice. It would nearly kill me inside, as if I hadnt been broken down enough. I would have to stay with him and give up everything I had just worked so hard for the past couple of years - no, the past 29 YEARS, and had FINALLY begun to achieve! But if I were to wind up losing my father and not be around to help him to try to avoid that, I could never live with myself. What hurt even more was that if some people were upset that I had taken a vacation, I could just imagine how they would react now that I didnt come back! Everyone would feel I had let them down, that I gave up on them. If they only knew how wonderful it felt to finally reach the point of becoming so well respected, so well thought of, so well loved. How and WHY would I ever want to do something that would ruin it all?! How would anyone? Yet, it was indeed starting to happen that way. I was in touch with some friends there, and that is exactly how people were beginning to react. Even though it was on such a smaller scale, I now understood how celebrities must feel when they are ripped apart and blatantly lied about by tabloids and such. There was one thing wrong about being put on a pedestal, I was learning. If you lose your balance in the slightest, you can fall off all too easily! Well, as much as it hurt my very soul, I could not let these things get to me. I would just have to fix them later. The time would come where I could start all over again and get it all back, and then some. But for the time being, my focus had to be right here, right now, with my father.

[STUBBORN] IS AS [STUBBORN] DOES

    Though I had nearly hated him for it when I was a child, I found myself now grateful for my fathers stubbornness! It was this stubbornness that helped him along a complete recovery from his stroke. Of course, this was over the course of about a year altogether. I did work, in the meantime. I had to. I would go insane if I didnt. Much as he had changed over the years since my mothers death, much as I loved him still, I could NOT be stuck in the house all day and night with him. He had lost his rougher edges, yes, but he was still an endless nag! And this once harsh and emotionless man had now found a NEW weapon - martyrdom!! I found myself once again being treated like a child who didnt know what he was doing! (Funny - I had known what I was doing - even AS a child!) Had he forgotten that I had spent nearly a decade on my own now? That I had gotten to the point of starting and running my own businesses? (Of course, he still had not been proud of me for that. In fact, he thought I had been foolish in trying to be my own boss - that it was safer to remain forever under someone elses thumb! Grrrrrr!) I also found myself once again bored out of my mind in Illinois! And not only was I stuck in Illinois again, but another tiny suburb! Between that, and living with my father again, I was beginning to remember all too well why it was that I had spent my life wanting to get out of this place!

WARM MEMORIES REVISTED



    I was managing a local restaurant for work. In my spare time, I did all the household chores. They did have a maid that did a general cleaning every two weeks. She was a really nice lady. Ah! I DO remember her name - Joanne. It was up to me, however, to do all the up-keep, yard work, and errands for my father that he now couldnt do. Occasionally, on days off, I went into Chicago to do more film extra work with the same company I had done it for years before. Other times, I would visit my sister and family or my friends. The bad vibes I had gotten from Jeannie's husband began to get worse. On her birthday, I gave her a very purposeful gift. I got her one of my own favorite films that I knew she loved - The First Wives' Club. Randy, her husband, was there, so I couldn't say what I really wanted to when she unwrapped it. So, I tried to tell her with my mind, in case that somehow worked, Hint, hint, hint! Jeannietake the hint! As for Lena, my niece, I ADORED her! My sister wouldn't admit it, but she looked just like Jeannie did when SHE was a baby! I remember it all very well! I kept giving Lena Disney films just for the hell of it. I wanted her to have a large Disney collection to be able to watch anytime she wants! I wanted her to grow up with the same kind of optimism and refusal to give up on her dreams that I did. I wanted her to tap into all those Disney messages. And, besides...is it not an uncles JOB to spoil his niece (or nephew, of course)?!

    As for my friends, such as Michele, Vanessa, Rich, and others, and of course, the Auntie Frisbee and Uncle Joe, that always brought back very fond memories and warmed my heart. It feels good to have those kinds of bonds that will never die - no matter where you go, no matter what you do.

    NOT ALL IN VAIN, AFTER ALL

    Occasionally, I actually got to go out - just to go out! All by myself! Surprisingly, I ran into someone I knew and worked on some events with in Las Vegas! He was vacationing here. We got to talking. I told him how I had heard that some people were angry with me for leaving and not coming back. He assured me that many people DID understand. I was still thought of fondly, and remembered as a great, strong leader, and that I was still that mover and shaker of Las Vegas. That really settled my heart and my soul. It had

NOT been all in vain after all.

TURNING THIRTY

    After sometime, I began to work strictly swing shifts that had me coming home about 1 or 2am. Once again, I had a great connection with my employees. By the time I would get home, Dad and Sandy would be asleep in bed. What I do always miss about the mid-west is its summer thunderstorms. We had many of them that summer, and most of them about this time of night. I love falling asleep to the smell and sounds of the rain and rolling thunder through my screens at night. But what I enjoy most of all is that oh-so-warm building wind! I love just reveling in it! I would go out on the patio / pool deck. In the dark. No one around but me - me and that wonderful wind blowing all around and past me! To heighten this experience, I would put on my walkman and play the musical score of Titanic, amongst others. And just think and reflect. Completely at peace.

    I kept thinking of how I was about to turn thirty in the fall. Luckily, it didn't show physically. I also still had a very youthful personality to match. As far as my maturity goes, it had always been noticed that I was mature beyond my years. And, as one friend had put it, [I] could have a lot of baggage, but [I didnt] carry it. That's true. That's because, all along, I chose not to carry it. Some of my views were starting to change a bit, though. I've noticed that happens about every few years. You just look back and realize what a novice - what a schmuck - you've been. You think about all the mistakes youve made, and how you're not going to make them again. You think about where your life has been and where it's going. You think about the new resolutions you are starting to make, and more.

    I thought about Las Vegas and all the things that had happened there. I thought about how I wanted to go back once I was sure my father was completely recovered. But should I? Here I was, turning thirty. Not getting any younger (in numbers), and hadn't my goal always been to settle in Southern California? Wasn't that where I had planned on making my dreams FULLY come true? Yes, I know. Millions of others have had the same dreams throughout the entire past century. If I hadn't gotten anywhere yet, I would be re-thinking my dreams, my life. But my experiences in Las Vegas HAD shown me my actual potential, had it not? That certainly could not be denied. I DID have it in me to make it! Las Vegas proved that. If I didn't recognize that, then what the hell had all that been for? Yes, it had more of a purpose than I had known. Just as my experience in the Army did before that. Both experiences combined, I now fully realized how strong I had actually become. I wasn't that scared little boy that used to live here in Illinois so long ago. I had come such a long way from that. I had been brave enough to venture out and pursue my dreams. I had developed a strong sense of humor and self. I had developed a lot of charisma. I had grown from being a timid follower into the strong leader I knew I had always been deep down inside. I could survive under the most grueling conditions and not lose an ounce of spirit. I could function well with or without someone beside me. I could lose everything and not be destroyed by it. I could, instead, see it as the new rebirth that it is. I could be utterly betrayed, and yet not lose my compassion. I could be surrounded by death, and have it only refuel my drive for life. The Powers That Be DID know what they were

doing after all, I realized. Everything I had gone through and suffered throughout my life, all the hard times, each of my mistakes and wrong turns - I wouldn't change a moment of it. It all had a grand purpose. Every bad thing inevitably led to something good. If "this" hadn't happened, I wouldn't have done "THAT". I might not have gone here or there and done "this" or "that". In hindsight, it all fits together like a jigsaw puzzle. And it all makes us who we are. Like the wizard character, Gandalf would say in "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring":

Frodo: "I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened."

Gandalf: "So do all those who live to see such times. But it is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time given to us."

LAND OF DREAMS, HO!



     Yes, I got way off track, but that is how the thoughts swirled in my mind night after night. I knew what I must do. I had to continue to pursue my dreams - knowing that I was, indeed, still strong enough to do it. I was drawn to Southern California since early childhood for a reason. (Several reasons, actually - some explainable , some not) It was very clear to me then and it was now again. I had to cut to the chase this time, and just DO it! That was final. My father was practically fully recovered now. It was time to get back to my life. I decided that I would go to the nearby travel agency. I would go there even now and then to see what kind of special deals there were for one-way tickets to Los Angeles. I determined that when the first special deal turned up, that would be my sign. It would be time to go. Only unlike the way I came out to LA back when I was nineteen, I would do it the RIGHT way this time. I would not just take off under everyones nose as I had then. This time, I told all my family and friends of my plans. Then, I went about making various preparations.

PREPARING THE WAY

I'LL GO BACK AND FILL THIS IN LATER - VERY SOON. BUT RIGHT NOW, I'M INSPIRED TO SKIP AHEAD A BIT AND WRITE ABOUT MY DISNEYLAND EXPERIENCES.

CAST MEMBERS ONLY

Ever since my family and I went to Disney World back in 1982, I had been all too curious about the doors that read "Cast Members Only". I wanted so badly to go through them and explore the behind-the-scenes of the park. I knew I would find it just as fascinating as the public areas of the park. The same curiosity hit me again as an adult when I finally got to to go to Disneyland for the first time - and many times after - now being a "cast member" of The Disney Company. But, since I wasn't a "Disneyland cast member", I still couldn't see what was beyond those beckoning doors. But that was soon about to change!

    I went with a friend to Disneyland once again. (I couldn't get enough of the place!), and it hit me...why don't I transfer here to the park?! It would sure be a lot more fun than what I was currently doing! Yes! That was it! I made up my mind right then and there. I would do it! I would make this place part of my destiny! I took a short leave of absence and transfered to Disneyland.

    I went to the office, and before I knew it, they had taken me on! Already that first day, one of the office staff said to me - without my dsaying a word - "You know, you look like Peter Pan! Unfortunately, we don't have a Peter Pan right now, but we might later. You should go for it!" That would HARDLY be the last time I would hear that throughout my years at Disneyland. I couldn't audition for ANY characters when I first arrived because the auditions weren't due for quite some time and I didn't want to wait that long to get my foot in the door here. So...what would the next best / most fun jobs be here besides character work...? Attractions! I could still deal with and entertain the public that way and thusly, keep myself entertained!

SPLASH MOUNTAIN

    I was first put in Splash Mountain. In time, I would wind up nearly everywhere, but this was where I was to start. THis was the famous water ride that was based on "The Song Of The South" - Brer Rabbit, Brer Bear, Brer Fox...these were the characters featured throughout the attraction. My first day, I was sent to explore it by walking through the attraction in order to memorize the posts. It was 6am and it was dark throughout the attraction. . It was amazing to get to walk rigt in front of all the animatronic figures as they moved and sang. Kind of creepy in a fun sort of way, too. But how many people can look back and say they've done this?! How many people get to satisfy their inner child so deeply and so often?! Well, this went on for a couple days. It was great fun, but I felt pulled toward the area of the park that was much more geared to emulate the films we all grew up on - Fantasyland.

STAND BACK, FANTASYLAND...

    I voiced my wishes and they accomodated me, which I heard was rare for them to do. I remember the morning of my first training day. It was all quiet - no guests. It was immaculately clean. Just ahead now was the drawbridge of Sleeping Beauty's castle and the entrance to Fantasyland. I imagined the history behind this very area - the day of its opening...how everyone must have felt - the first reactions. As I heard the music to "When You Wish Upon A Star" as I walked through it, I got chills down my spine picturing the the excitement from so many years ago. And I was getting to be a part of this! I was going to be able to tell my grandchildren about it all someday.

    I took to it right away. They made me dress as if I had stepped right out of the film "Pinocchio" Oh, well...it added to the "character feel". But even though I wore "Pinocchio Village" clothes, I got asked daily by kids and parents alike if I was Peter Pan - especially when I worked the "Peter Pan's Flight" attraction!! Whoa! I forgot to list all the attractions that are in Fantasyland:

"Peter Pan's Flight" (Which Is The Most Popular)

"Pinocchio's Daring Journey"

"Snow White's Sacary Adventure"

"Dumbo"

"Casey Jr."

"Alice InWonderland"

"The Tea Cups"